L. A. WAVES: Right. (Clears throat.) So I assume you know why you’re here?
JOHAN: Naturally. You are looking to hire a crew for a pirate ship. (Extracts a heavy binder from his briefcase, opens it and hands L. A. Waves a crisp, impeccably handwritten sheet of paper.) Here is my letter of introduction.
L. A. WAVES: (Skims document with interest.) Finally, someone who thinks clearly around here. So what role would you be seeking?
JOHAN: I would like to apply for the position of navigator.
L. A. WAVES: Aha. One of the positions I figured I’d find most difficult to fill, what with all the qualifications and academic background required. You have sailing experience, I gather?
JOHAN: Extensive. I am knowledgeable in geography and proficient at reading maps. I am also well acquainted with the sociopolitical situation in most countries, and competent at identifying weaknesses in their systems that can be exploited to evade their authorities.
L. A. WAVES: (Looks Johan up and down critically.) Hearing the way you speak and seeing the way you dress, it’s obvious that you don’t exactly fit the mold of a stereotypical pirate. Where did you receive that level of education?
JOHAN: … That’s irrelevant to this interview.
L. A. WAVES: Um, okay... So then, why are you wasting such potential on a pirate ship? With your credentials, you could probably apply to the navy and climb the ranks in no t…
JOHAN: (Snaps binder shut loudly and stands up.) This interview is over. Goodbye.
L. A. WAVES: (Jumps and clutches the tail of his coat.) Wait, wait, wait! Don’t go, I beg you! I need someone like you on my ship, the Captain is a drunken disaster with legs—and a much too overactive middle one! I’ll make you first mate!
JOHAN: (Stops and stares back at L. A. Waves with a cocked eyebrow.) First mate?
L. A. WAVES: Yes! Second-highest cut of plunder! Private quarters with access to ensuite lavatory! Personal key to the chart room!!
JOHAN: … What’s the size of the bedroom closet?
L. A. WAVES: … As big as you want…?
JOHAN: (Sits back down.) Okay, let’s talk.